Permalink

   << back home

Friday, April 13, 2007

Rectal Exam or Tax Day?

So it's just about Tax Day. That wonderful day when we collectively bend over and take it in the arse (hopefully on a metaphorical level, but who am I to judge if that's your sort of thing?) from the Internal Revenue Service, or as I prefer to call them the Iniquitous Raping Scourge.

It really annoys me that I have to account for every penny I've earned, every penny I've spent for which I hope to claim a deduction, save every relevant receipt and paycheck stub, and then at the end of it all, I realise that my boss hasn't withheld enough from my wages, and I've got to just bite the bullet and allow them to rudely shove a (hopefully) gloved hand up my arse and yank out another grand or so.

And yet, where's the government's accountability? I'd really like to see some of their receipts. I'd like to know why politicians can't have a business lunch at Denny's rather than some 5-star establishment. Considering what the patrons of Denny's restaurants are like around here (and I use the word "restaurant" loosely), I'd think the politicians would fit right in with the usual clientele.

The freeways undergoing destruction renovation around here are positively littered with signs claiming "It's your nickel, watch it work". I don't remember being asked if they could spend my tax nickels on ripping up the roads for the next 7 or 8 years. Seems to me that they only just finished ripping up the roads from the last fucking project. Come to think of it, I wasn't asked about that one, either.

So. In conclusion, I think I'm going to write to my local congresspeople and request a detailed spreadsheet of their deductions, income, and all of their income tax returns for the past 5 years. I think it would be truly edifying. The $5,000 government hammer may be a very old joke, but I'm guessing you might still find a few excessively priced items in current politicans' receipts. And if I know where they're going to spend these huge wads of cash, and from whom they're buying these ridiculously overpriced items, I can get in on the action. Please, Governor Gregoire, keep me in mind next time you're willing to spend $10,000 on a haircut. I'll get a Flo-Bee and do it for you for a mere $8,000. Think of the savings. And I'll even take payment under the table so neither of us will have to claim it on our taxes.


One final note: RIP Kurt Vonnegut. You have been my favourite author since I read Cat's Cradle when I was 12 (well, tied with Anthony Burgess), so much so that I named my dog after you: Kurt von Nugget. You will be very, very missed. Rest in peace.

.:13 comments | baked by pie at 10.04 AM | permalink:.