Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Pie's Dating Service, Part III
Further reviews and analysis of online personals, and today I'll be focusing on ads from women seeking men. Please note that these are all real ads I found on the interweb. And with that frightening thought, let's get started.

Title: Poopalicious
Text of ad: ..."I consider myself an old soul" ..."So now on a serious note. I think any form of the word "poop" is funny, I can laugh at almost anything including myself quite easily, whenever I go bowling my name is always "Vagina", contrary to popular belief, I actually DON'T like putting puppies and kittens in burlap sacs to throw them in the river, its just good money." All righty. So she considers herself an "old soul". I'm no expert on the origin of that phrase, but I'd guess that anyone who finds poop and vaginas to be excessively amusing probably isn't such an "old" anything. I'll admit that occasionally a little toilet humour can tickle my funny bone, but it's hardly the height of hilarity now that I'm no longer 6 years old. And I don't even know where to start with the comment about drowning cats and dogs. Is it just me or does that sentence make absolutely no sense?
Perfect Match: That jackass on "Jackass".

Title: The Hasslehoff to my Berlin
Text of ad: "Hi, I win at life and here's why:"... blah blah blah for 912 more words. Holy verbal diarrhea, Tolstoy.
Perfect Match: Tolstoy. If he wasn't dead.

Title: where my man-whores at?
Text of ad: ..."um. let's see. i am what is typically known as feminina awesomeii"... English, please. "man, that sounds super pretentious"... I'm guessing pretentious people don't use the word "super" all that often, so I think you're safe. "i like music lots"... [What is she, twelve?] "i like other people who like the things that i like, or who can convince me to like the things that they like." Ow. My brain.
Perfect Match: A male teen gay prostitute. Apparently.

Related posts: Pie's Dating Service, Pie's Dating Service Part II

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