Friday, July 30, 2004

A quick Friday meme

You're stranded on an island. Not a completely desolate island. More along the lines that the boat delivering supplies only comes once every six months and will never, ever take you home. Decide what you'll bring.

One celebrity: Hal Sparks - 'cause nothing makes you feel better like laughing so hard you're crying.

Two books: The Wanting Seed by Anthony Burgess; The Talisman - Stephen King & Peter Straub (you have to have some pulp in your life)

Three edibles: Peanut butter & jelly sammiches, coffee, cheese and lots of it

Four films: This one was harder than I would have expected since I don't see that many films. But in the end I picked: Office Space, 28 Days Later, Animal House and Out of Africa

Five music albums: This was even harder than the movie question, but I picked: The Beatles - White Album, Primus - Antipop, Nine Inch Nails - The Downward Spiral, B-52s - Wild Planet, David Bowie - Best of Bowie

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Brace yourself

I don't want to alarm anyone, but I'm about to say something serious. Yes, me. I actually stood up for myself yesterday. I know it doesn't sound like much, but just ask Rob - I never stand up for myself. Ever.

I had to go to the accounting department to get a couple of year-end budgets for various groups within our corporation. Unfortunately, since the year end was June 30, they're extremely busy over there right now, and every time I ask them for something, it's always something we need immediately. The problem is that we're always just barely squeaking under the grantmaker deadlines, so when we figure out we need something, we have to be pushy to get it in time. Anyway, the woman in accounting got all shirty with me, saying she needs more notice and doesn't like the fact that we always need this information "yesterday". So I went over to her cube and talked to her and explained that this wasn't necessarily the way I would choose to do things - I just need the budgets now and there wasn't any advance warning. I told her I'd bring it up at our next department meeting and we'd try to figure a way around it. But I made damn sure she knew this wasn't my doing. And she said, "I know it's not you." Ah, how gratifying.

I should really do this more often.

.:7 comments | baked by pie at 10.06 AM | permalink:.



Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Random Acts of Pieness:

Lesson learned: Sugar-free + fat-free = taste-free

Note to self: Always try on clothes before buying them, then you won't end up with your swanky new Foamy t-shirt reaching your knees.

Frustration: Swearing at people from the safety of your car doesn't stop them from behaving like asshats.

Bring me some bleach: Do not yawn while a dachshund is pretending to sleep on your lap. You will suddenly find yourself the unwilling participant of a French-kiss.

Question: Is it wrong that I giggled like a schoolgirl when I saw a van this morning with the company name Johnson-Cox?

.:3 comments | baked by pie at 10.52 PM | permalink:.




Pepe le Peee-yoooo

We had a very unwelcome visitor last night. I went to bed about 1.30am, but couldn't sleep because all the neighbours' dogs seemed to be going apeshit. They would not stop barking. Finally at about 2.30 or 3.00am I managed to fall asleep. That's when it happened. The redneck neighbours' dogs started barking loudly and suddenly we couldn't breathe. The problem is that it's summer and we're sleeping with the window open... and apparently the skunk sprayed RIGHT outside our bedroom window (which is on the 2nd floor, no less). Skunk-stench city. After that, there was no way I was going to be able to sleep. We lit candles, sprayed everything in sight with Fabreeze, nothing would subdue that malodor. In the end, I ended up sleeping in my study on the futon and poor Rob suffered the funk on his own.

Of course, he stayed home from work today since we didn't get any sleep, so I've given him the task of finding something, ANYTHING to get out that stink. In the meantime, I'm going to kill my redneck neighbours, because if they'd taken their dogs in or calmed them down when they started barking, this whole thing probably wouldn't have happened. Look for me on the 6 O'clock news.

.:4 comments | baked by pie at 12.40 PM | permalink:.



Monday, July 26, 2004

And it's Monday. Again. I was shocked to discover that it was already late July yesterday. I have no idea how the whole month got past me. So anyway, since I have no clever segue... I was thinking about hell and how if I were creator of the universe (not that I'm saying I'm not), I'd make hell something like this:

* The only clothing materials are polyester and velour. Wide collars, fluorescent colours, bell bottoms, hoop skirts and corsets, bolo ties and jester hats are all the rage.
* The only music is Celine Dion.
* You have the constant feeling that you have an eyelash in your eye but you don't.
* Everyone wants to tell you about their bowel movements. All. The. Time.
* Everything is lime green. And I mean everything. There are fluorescent orange accents. But just in case you like lime green and orange, let me add that the lighting consists of buzzing fluorescents and the flooring is made of Astroturf. The really prickly kind. And you aren't allowed to wear shoes.
* Your best friends are politicians, mimes and/or French.
* Upon entry, you're issued a boa constrictor affectionately nicknamed "Huggy". He WILL try to eat you. On a regular basis.
* There's no entertainment, unless you consider endless reruns of reality shows, Saved By The Bell and live local government feeds entertainment. If you wanted to go out to see a film, you'd have your choice of Dirty Dancing, Havana Nights, The Bodyguard, Titanic, Waterworld (not that I've seen any of these, but really - do I need to?) or any film featuring a singer/musician trying to act.
* Everything is undercooked or overcooked, burnt or oozing. And everything contains liver. Everything. Except the drinks which are 95% raw sewage.

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Friday, July 23, 2004

Yes, it's been nothing-worth-posting week again here at the House of Pie. I've just not been feeling myself lately, and no I haven't been feeling anyone else either - well, maybe Rob... just a little. I've decided it's time to confront a few of my demons (not to sound too corny) because as it is now, I'm not really living, I'm existing. And life is moving far too fast to just let it all slip by without being a part of it. It's not just that my back limits my activity, there are a whole host of other issues I need to deal with in order to have normal relationships with people (might be nice to have some actual friends some day - I mean people I can actually really talk to), and to be able to live my life the way I should be living it.

But anyway, it's all a little overwhelming because as I've discovered in the past, once you open the door to this stuff, there's no stopping it. So I've joined a couple of online support groups, although they're really hard to break into. You have to get to know these people before you can actually share anything with them. So in the meantime, I'm struggling along alone. I don't like to talk to Rob about this stuff because there's just no way he can understand, and I don't feel it's right to burden him with it, just because I have no one else to talk to.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to raid the vending machines in search of munchies.

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Wednesday, July 21, 2004

I'm too tired and depressed to write anything interesting. I stayed home from work yesterday and did absolutely nothing but try to sleep, which of course I couldn't. I haven't slept more than a couple of hours at a time since Saturday night. Also, I've discovered that if you're really, really exhausted and take narcotic painkillers, it makes for not-so-safe driving conditions.

So in keeping with the knackeredness theme, have a photo of Oliver mid-yawn. Rob took this the year we moved to WA, and it still makes me laugh.

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Monday, July 19, 2004

Because it's Monday, and my brain can't handle anything more taxing, here's another unbelievably long Meme that no one will read ;)

FIRSTS
First job: Techically I guess it would be strawberry picking. My parents sent me off to pick strawberries when I was about 12 or so - it was a summer job. It was hot, sticky and surprisingly hard work. Not to mention that it wasn't fun being the only kid and native-English speaker among the hordes of adult migrant workers.
First screen name: I've always been Pie in some form or another.
First self-purchased CD: I have no idea.
First piercing/tattoo: I got my nose pierced in Wales in 1990, which only cost me 5 pounds, as opposed to these days when it costs your first born to get anything pierced.
First true love: Probably Rob, actually. I had serious commitment issues before him - anytime a guy I was dating got serious, I'd dump him. Oddly, I was engaged twice before Rob, although I never actually intended to marry either of them (of course, I didn't tell them that).
First enemy: If we're not counting my parents, it'd have to be a girl named Cherise at my middle school. For some reason, she desperately wanted to beat me up.

LASTS
Last big car ride: Down to Portland in May. Not exactly "big" but it's the best I can do.
Last kiss: Rob, of course. Unless the dogs count. I don't kiss them with tongues, though - not for lack of trying on their part, I might add. Pervy little hounds.
Last library book checked out: Probably not since I was in school.
Last movie seen: Can't remember. We rented 50 First Dates this weekend, but haven't watched it yet.
Last beverage drank: Coffee and water simultaneously.
Last food consumed: Peanut butter & jelly sandwich.
Last phone call: Something at work last week, no doubt. I avoid phones whenever possible - I never even answer my home phone anymore.
Last CD played: A mix of heavy/industrial tunes in my car.
Last annoyance: Compulsive braker on the road in front of me on the way to work.
Last pop drank: Diet Pepsi (urgh) at Applebees (double urgh) on Saturday night.
Last ice cream eaten: I actually bought some ice cream on Saturday but I haven't cracked it open yet. It'd probably have to be a Drumstick a few months ago.
Last time scolded: I don't know if it counts, but Rob nags me every day. It's not exactly scolding, but it's still annoying. ;)
Last shirt worn: I was wearing a t-shirt with a programming joke on it before I left for work. Now I'm just wearing a plain old shirt.

I...
I am: freakin' knackered.
I want: to go home.
I have: a fat-free chocolate pudding.
I wish: I had a monkey.
I hate: being in pain all the time.
I fear: facing things.
I hear: white noise.
I search: for solace and peace.
I regret: nothing.
I love: Rob and my boys.
I always: breathe.
I am not: disciplined.
I dance: like a drunken sailor.
I sing: loudly.
I cry: occasionally.

YES or NO:
You keep a diary: I have two blogs, neither of which really qualifies as a diary, but if you put them together maybe it counts as one diary.
You like to cook: Sometimes. I just hate cleaning up afterwards.
You have a secret you have not shared with anyone: Nope. I think Rob knows all.

DO YOU...?
Have a crush:No.
Want to get married: Oh god, no. ;)
Get motion sickness: Only if I read in the car. Or the time I took way too much medication and threw up all over the inside of Rob's car and our front lawn. I still cringe when I think about that - the neighbours probably thought I was a drunkard, barfing on the lawn in the middle of the night, but I hadn't touched a drop of alcohol.
Think you’re a health freak: Ahahahahah!
Current hair color: Reddish.
Eye color: Green
Birthplace: Burbank, CA.

FAVORITES
Number: 11.
Color: Indigo.
Day: Saturday.
Month: October
Songs: Way too many to list, but some a selection of my favourites might include: While My Guitar Gently Weeps / Beatles, Hurt / NiN, Jet Airliner / Steve Miller, Another Saturday Night / Cat Stevens and Lacquer Head / Primus.
Season: Autumn.
Drink: Coffee.
Alcohol: Carlsberg. Or Hefeweissen. Or Baileys.

PREFERENCES
Cuddle or make out: Depends on my mood.
Chocolate milk or hot chocolate: right now, chocolate milk sounds much better.
Milk, dark, or white chocolate: Dark chocolate, don't like milk or white chocolate.
Vanilla or chocolate: Vanilla

IN THE LAST 24 HRS, HAVE YOU...
Cried? Yes.
Helped someone? Hopefully!
Bought something? Yes - we went shopping last night.
Gotten sick? No.
Gone to the movies? Not in years.
Said ‘I love you’? Every day =)
Written a real letter: Who writes real letters anymore?
Talked to an ex? No, they all live thousands of miles away. Which is probably a good thing.
Missed an ex? No.
Written in a journal? Well I've written in both blogs, so I guess that counts for something.
Had a serious talk? Not really.
Missed someone? No.
Hugged someone? Both hounds and Rob. All the hugs I get are really hairy.

.:4 comments | baked by pie at 3.34 PM | permalink:.




In honor of finally getting my scanner to work (after only a year or so), I give you a couple of photos of the mini-Pie.

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Friday, July 16, 2004

So Mikey is a glutton for punishment has opened his site up to guest bloggers today, and Skits brought up this little game: Fantasy Sex Camp. Well, me being the pervert I am, I thought it sounded like fun.

Instructions: You have seven days of dream-dates (all of which, of course, end in mind-blowing sex, hence the title of the game). You are allowed to choose one celebrity date for each night of the week and one alternate for each night, in case your first choice dream date is, say, arrested or is away on location. (For the rest of the rules, visit the site).

My problem is that I find very few celebrities really attractive. I mean, I think Brad Pitt is a good looking guy, but it's not like I want to shag him. I really only have two celebrity "crushes" (well, three if you count Drew Barrymore), so I'm going to do this a little differently. I'm going to play this as who I'd like to hang out with for a night, rather than who I'd like to shag. Because I'm a pain in the ass like that.

Monday: Drew Barrymore. I like her because she seems like a genuine, friendly person, plus she loves dogs. Plus... she's cute.
Tuesday: Lewis Black. I'd take him to IHOP, his self-described "health club". We would spend the evening trying to out-rant each other.
Wednesday: Seth McFarlane. He's the creator of the greatest television show ever, Family Guy, not to mention the voice behind many of the characters. "Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time." Doesn't get classier than that.
Thursday: Angelina Jolie. I always thought she was a weirdo - well, she is a weirdo. But I really admire all the work she does for refugees. Plus she just seems like she'd be fun to hang out with.
Friday: David Bowie and Henry Rollins. I could recite haiku to Henry Rollins (too obscure a reference? Go here), while Bowie sings some tunes (but nothing later than 1980).
Saturday: Saturday is the night to go out and party, so I'll have to bring back Drew, as well as Courtney Love. I can't stand Courtney, so basically I'd be bringing her along to see what I could get her to do and how long it would take for her to get arrested.
Sunday: Sunday is the day of rest, so I'll rest. In a Hal Sparks and Trent Reznor sammich. Mmmm.

.:3 comments | baked by pie at 10.29 PM | permalink:.




I hate sitting right by the kitchen area at work. We're the only department in the building that is separated off with our own walls, conference room and kitchen area. But I have the cube right by the kitchen area, which means whenever things go rotten I have to breathe in the stench every time someone opens the fridge door, not to mention being forced to inhale whatever horrendous concoctions my co-workers decide to heat up in the microwave. Right now, I'm feelin' a little green. I have no idea what this woman is cooking, but it smells like a cross between perfume and cheese. That can't be good.

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Thursday, July 15, 2004

Meme Portion. I have no idea where I found this. I saved it in Notepad some time ago and finally decided to post it.

1. Where were you when you heard that Ronald Reagan died?
June 5, 2004. At home. I read about it on Fark, first. It's not news, it's Fark.

2. Where were you on September 11, 2001?
September 11, 2001. I was at home. I was working for a web dev company, but my back had been getting much much worse so I was working from home fairly often. I called in that day (for honest reasons - my back really was bad) and sat glued to the television all day. Just me, the hound (we only had one then), the heating pad and the tv.

3. Where were you when you heard that Princess Diana died?
August 31, 1997. I was up quite early, for once. Or maybe I hadn't gone to bed yet - that's actually more likely. Anyway it was early in the morning, and I think it was a weekend. I saw it on the news and ran upstairs to wake up Rob. This is when we were living in Watford, Herts in our very first house. I have no idea why I woke him up. Neither of us are fans of the Royals and actually we both expend considerable energy ranting about them occasionally. Except Prince Phillip, because he's so politically incorrect it's hilarious. Gadzooks!.

4. Do you remember where you were when you heard Kurt Cobain had died?
April 5, 1994. I can't remember if this was just before or just after I moved from London to Seattle (temporarily, as it turned out). I wasn't a fan of Nirvana at all, or any grunge bands, but I do remember seeing candlelight vigils around Seattle for awhile after I moved there, I just don't know if he died before or after I got there.

5. Take one for The Gipper: What’s your favorite flavor of jelly bean?
Hmm. That's a toughy. I don't really eat jelly beans all that often, but it would have to be one of the slightly tart ones, otherwise they're just way too sweet for me.

6. Where were you when Magic Johnson announced he was retiring from the NBA due to AIDS?
You can see how much I keep up with sports - I had no idea he was either retired or had AIDS.

7. Where were you when Reagan was shot?
March 30, 1981. Well it was 1981, I wasn't really paying much attention to politics. I was after all only eight. I do vaguely remember hearing about it, but nothing particularly strong stands out. Unlike when John Lennon was shot the year before, when I was seven. I cried.

8. Where were you when the Challenger exploded?
January 28, 1986. I may be one of the only people alive during the 80s who doesn't have a definite memory about this. 1986 was a very bad year for me, and I don't really have a whole lot of memories of external events.

9. Where were you when the OJ verdict was announced?
October 3, 1995. I was in the UK, which is pretty much all I know. The whole thing wasn't as big of a media circus over there, so I don't really remember when I first heard the verdict. I do remember watching the slow-mo police chase. I was in Seattle at the time, came home, flipped on the telly and it was on every channel. I had to watch for a bit to find out who it was. Then I lost interest.

10. Where were you when the Berlin Wall fell?
November 9, 1989. I was at a "therapeutic" boarding school in the mountains. We had very little contact with the outside world, and what we did have was heavily censored - no television, no music that wasn't pre-approved (even some of the Beatles' tunes were banned, if that tells you anything), magazines and newspapers were edited to make sure there wasn't any "unacceptable" information in them such as references to bands, drugs, or whatever they deemed unfit that day. I would guess that we didn't find out about it as it happened. I remember learning about the Lockerbie crash awhile after it happened through an article in a heavily edited copy of Newsweek.

.:3 comments | baked by pie at 5.10 PM | permalink:.




Here's the question for the day: How do you get coffee out of a mousepad? I knocked over a coffee onto my desk yesterday, completely saturating my mousepad and gel wrist-rest. And now it stinks of old mocha and is all sticky.

This may well be the coolest thing ever. Well, the coolest biro drawing ever. I'm in awe.

.:6 comments | baked by pie at 12.33 PM | permalink:.



Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Yesterday on Fark, I came across this article: Turning the tables on Nigeria's e-mail conmen, which is hilarious in itself, but the ensuing commentary on Fark resulted in several links to sites run by people who scam the scammers. You should all read the tragic story of Tim and Stela's doomed love. Because it's freakin' hilarious.

Then while reading this one, I noticed that they were arranging to make the deposit at the Wembley High Road branch of Barclays which noteworthy because Rob's parents live in Preston Road, only a few minutes from that branch of Barclays. Interestingly, well it's interesting to me anyway, a few months before we met I was staying with some friends (and I use "friends" loosely) in Preston Road, probably no more than a mile away from where Rob was living. We probably passed each other on the street without realising it. Although how he woudn't have noticed a gorgeous specimen such as myself, I can't imagine. He must have been drunk.

And back in the real world... It appears that Rob's brother and his wife have decided to cave to Rob's mum's demands and change the new baby's name. Apparently, her mum (Rob's grandmother) occasionally went by "Kate", so they couldn't possibly name her Katherine. Personally, I say go with what you like. Anyway, they've changed it to Rosamund Anne, presumably with the nickname Rosie, which I wouldn't wish on anyone. Poor kid.

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Tuesday, July 13, 2004

So I had to brave the accounting trolls this afternoon, and as I'm winding my way through the cubicle farm (with no piece of cheese in sight, I might add), I saw this gem posted on someone's cube: "Courage: Jump and the net will appear". This has to be one of the dumbest things I've ever read. That's like saying that if I decide to jump off my roof thinking I can fly, wings will suddenly sprout from my shoulder blades just because I believe they will, and I'll be able to glide off gracefully into the sunset. Whereas the truth is that if you jump without wings or a net, chances are you'll be sidewalk pizza in seconds. Denial is an ugly thing.

I've come to the conclusion that not only do I have Road Rage, but I also have Work Rage. Chris mentioned the need for mental health days this morning, and I responded that I'm surprised more work places don't have mental health days. Where I work, if you call in, you'd better damn well be vomiting up major organs or have a limb dangling off you. But considering the proliferation of guns and insane people, I'd think they'd encourage this practice. Of course, I don't own a gun - I'd have to go postal armed only with my withering glares and sparkling wit.

Of course, I'm not only a sufferer of Road and Work Rage, I also have Food Rage (people who screw up my extraordinarily simple orders at restaurants), People Rage (just ask Rob how much time out of my day I spend ranting about people, specifically or generally) and well, basically Everything Rage. Yeah, I'm a laugh a minute.

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Found this at Jewdez's who found it at Mikey's.

Wackiness: 54/100
Rationality: 66/100
Constructiveness: 56/100
Leadership: 48/100

You are a WRCF--Wacky Rational Constructive Follower. This makes you Paul Begala. You are unflappable and largely unconcerned with others' reactions to you. You were not particularly interested in the results of this test, and probably took it only as a result of someone else asking you to.

You have a biting wit and intense powers of observation. No detail is lost on you, and your friends know it--relying on you to have the facts when others express only opinions. You are even-tempered, friendly, and educated. Foolish strangers may mistake your mildness for weakness--they will be surprised.

You entire approach to life is enviable. You will raise good kids.

Edited to add link: take the quiz here.

.:2 comments | baked by pie at 9.31 AM | permalink:.



Monday, July 12, 2004

Urgh. And it's Monday again. When I'm dictator of the world, I'm going to outlaw Mondays. They'll still be there, but we won't have to do anything. In fact, it'll be illegal to leave your house on Monday. At all. Unless you're going to do my bidding, in which case it's okay.

On second thought that won't work, because there will have to be someone out there to enforce it. Okay, let me revise this law. On Monday it will be illegal for anyone to make me do anything, including getting out of bed. There. That works. Everyone else has to go and work their asses off, though. That's one of the benefits to being a world dictator. But don't worry, I'll be a kind, benevolent and loving dictator.

Bahahahahaha *gasp* ahahahahaha

Oh, and I've set up comments over at Rob's blog so go on over and say hello. If you don't, I'll track you down and make you into my footrest when I rule the world.

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Friday, July 09, 2004

I came across this website this morning: Feral Children, and I'm utterly fascinated. I'm wholly disgusted with the treatment that resulted in these children ending up this way (and how the hell did such abuse go on for so long unchecked? Actually - never mind, I know the answer to that), and I pity them so, that they will never be able to have a normal existence.

"Genie", for example, one of the more famous cases of feral children, will spend the rest of her life in an assisted-living facility. She even still can't really speak properly, although she has exhibited a thirst for learning and is able to communicate her wants/needs/thoughts. It's horrifyingly sad that the only words she knew when they found her were "stopit" and "nomore".

Moving past the emotional aspect of these stories, I find it amazing how much a human can regress to what is essentially an earlier stage of man, purely from lack of contact, isolation, neglect and abuse. But you can't focus on the scientific aspect of these stories for long before returning to wanting something bloody and painful to happen to the parents who did this to children like "Genie".

Anyway, give it a read.

.:3 comments | baked by pie at 12.24 PM | permalink:.



Thursday, July 08, 2004

I've been a little overworked and under-rested lately, so in lieu of anything interesting, I give you the Best and Worst of Pie.

What was the best thing that happened to you this week? The worst? The best thing was probably the news that Rob's brother and his wife had a healthy second daughter (and didn't name her something hideous like Pomegranate). The worst... well, that's easy. Ever seen Office Space? You know the part where Peter's at the hypnotist and says, "...every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life."? Well that's me. Every single bloody day is worse than the previous bloody day.

What's the best thing someone's done for you (recently or not so recently)? What's the worst thing someone's done to you (again, recently or not so recently)? Recently, I couldn't tell you. But the best thing anyone's ever done for me is Rob seeing past circumstances and ignoring all the nay-sayers who were convinced I was with him for the wrong reasons. Even his family basically called me a liar (although not to my face - only when Rob decided to share information with them that I wouldn't have). Eh, it's a long, complicated thing, but the point is that Rob looked past the homelessness and the unpleasant circumstances and gave me a chance, which most people wouldn't have done. As for the worst things... well those aren't things I ever discuss on this blog.

What's the best thing about your job? Worst? The best part of my job is definitely the people. I find that the people who work for non-profits tend to be extraordinarily kind people. The worst is being treated like a peon.

What's the best new website you've found? Worst? Not new, but I've recently rediscovered the joys of Metal Sludge - especially Donna's Domain. You just can't beat the "Long & Short of It" - who wouldn't want to know the sizes of various hair-metal penises? Not sure about worst website – there are so many bad ones out there, it’s hard to narrow it down.

What's the best book you've read? Worst? The best, by far, is The Wanting Seed by Anthony Burgess. I can't really pick a worst, though - usually if I loathe a book that much I just don't finish it. The last book I couldn't finish (it's still sitting in my bookcase) was Little Green Men : A Novel by Christopher Buckley.

What's the best movie you've seen? Worst? I don’t really watch that many movies, so I’m probably not the best judge. I will say that my favourites include Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Some Like it Hot, Out of Africa and Animal House. The worst film could be any of the 99.9% of the films released in the past 10 years.

What's the best thing in your future? Worst? I really try not to think any further into the future than tomorrow. It’s just too depressing.

What's the best quote you know? Worst? Best: “Beer is proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy” – Benjamin Franklin and/or “Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam” (translation: I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head.) Worst: Anything involving bad grammar.

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Tuesday, July 06, 2004

So I'm an aunt2 as of yesterday. Rob's brother and his
wife had their second sprog, Katherine Rosamund on July 4. So we spent all of yesterday looking for baby gifts for the newborn and her older sister, which is really much harder than it sounds. Rob and I are hoping to be able to go back to England early next year to visit. I know Rob's a little unhappy that he won't get to see Elizabeth and Katherine grow up, but I keep telling him that he'll be the cool uncle who lives overseas. So when they're teenagers and want to run away from home, we'll suddenly find two girls on our doorstep.

I've discovered a universal truth. No matter how much pain you're in, don't take multiple narcotic painkillers directly before a two-hour staff meeting. I'll need to ask the person sitting next to me to poke me occasionally with something sharp and pointy.

.:3 comments | baked by pie at 12.37 PM | permalink:.



Friday, July 02, 2004

Smooooke on the water

Or rather smoke on my brain. I've been working on project and operations budgets for a major proposal for the last few days, and I seriously feel as though my mind has turned to mush. You get one number or formula wrong and it throws the whole thing out of whack, then you spend 2 hours trying to find that one little wrong number or formula, and in the meantime you've got hives and big bruises on your forehead from banging your head on the desk. Yeah, it's a laugh riot.

Go read this article: Yikes! There's a bomb in my beer. It's freakin' hilarious. "...the attorney general may not want to hold another holiday-of-doom press conference". Personally, I like the sound of that - I wonder when Hallmark is going to pick up on it. Hallmark Presents: The Holiday of Doom - decorate your house with weapons, camouflage, booby-traps and liberal lashings of blood. The food of choice would be something burnt to a crisp and games would include "pin-the-tail-on-the-suicide-bomber" and "Duck, Duck, INCOMING!". Please excuse the bad taste in this paragraph. And if you're still offended by this, please bugger off. I'll take one ticket to hell - window seat, non-stop.

Now, back to curdling my mental processes with [cue scary-movie music] MATH [end musical cue].

.:3 comments | baked by pie at 1.20 PM | permalink:.




Random acts of Pie

** The Barnes & Noble Experience - tales of a B & N employee.
** Pie Eating Contest - just a silly little game. Best I could do was 16 bites.
** The Phone - use the phone to go to different places and environments.
** Office Space Wars - funny as hell if you've ever seen Office Space.

.:0 comments | baked by pie at 9.42 AM | permalink:.



Thursday, July 01, 2004

So I was watching *ahem* Newlyweds last night. I admit having a certain fascination for this show, but I don't admit it loudly. Anyway, they had a conversation about whether someone could wiggle her nose. Which of course, she couldn't. But I realised something odd about myself. I can wiggle my nose (no, that's not the odd part) although not in a Samantha Stevens side-to-side way but rather up and down like a bunny. Yet, I've never learned how to wiggle my ears, which is a much more common 'talent'. One day I'll have to do a little video of myself wiggling my nose and post it on here, just for laughs.

Anyone else out there have any weird talents? I'm also mildly double-jointed. I can press my thumb against my wrist (the same wrist as the thumb, before you start making smart-ass comments) and bend my fingers in some odd ways, but admittedly that's not nearly as cute as wiggling your nose.

.:5 comments | baked by pie at 3.35 PM | permalink:.




He's an alien, he's a legal alien

We're busily trying to get Rob his American citizenship before we go back to England. We're hoping to go back next January to see his family - Rob's brother is just about to drop another sprog, and we haven't seen the first one since she was about a month old (she's now about 2 and a half). I figure even with a permanent resident card, leaving the country without a US passport or citizenship right now is a very, very bad idea. Back before I got my UK citizenship but had a permanent resident stamp, they gave me crap when trying to come back into England after a holiday. And that was before 9/11 and since then everything has gotten much more uptight.

I would hope that my brother has learned to behave at the airport by this point, too. Way back when dinosaurs walked the earth (i.e. in the late 80's I believe), my brother got strip-searched because he was wandering around the airport in a backwards baseball cap making jokes. Guess he didn't read the signs. A rude, un-lubed appendage being shoved up your backside will probably change your erring ways, though. That said, I still wouldn’t travel with him.

.:3 comments | baked by pie at 1.42 PM | permalink:.